Thursday, November 14, 2013

Sometimes

I cried.

I cried because of the madness that this world is sometimes.  I cried because you don’t ever know and not knowing makes it as scary as a big black hole in the earth.  I cried because some days I live wondering when the next bullet is going to hit; wondering when the next massive wave is going to overtake me and I am going to feel myself drowning again.  I cried because sometimes I just want to leave the scary, the hard and painful bits of my life and live in a bubble for a while.  Sometimes I want to drive as far as I can possibly drive and just sit there and stare at the sky.  Sometimes nothing makes sense -   everything is going in all the wrong directions and its just too painful to breathe.   Because we really have no control do we?  We aren’t in control of our days or months or years and sometimes the only One that is, doesn’t seem to hear us and or want to know our opinion. I wish I was a woman full of faith but sometimes I am just a woman full of questions and no answers.

As I sobbed,  I talked to God.   I was asking God to help me navigate through the dangerous season of my life right now.  It almost seems as though it is stretched too thin.  Like thin thin ice on top of freezing cold waters - waiting for it to crack and open up.

  And suddenly I saw David, a young boy standing in front of a king named Saul.  And this is what he said,  “God rescued me from the lion.  He rescued me from the bear.  He is going to rescue me from this giant too.”


David didn’t wonder why on earth he had to face this giant.  He didn’t moan and groan about the fact that he had fought a bear and he had fought a lion and NOW - NOW he had to fight the giant TOO!!?? He didn’t cry and stomp his feet or hide and cower like the rest of them did.   And so many of us do.  We do.  We get angry or sad or scared.  But David just acted.   He saw a giant  in the camp.  He saw a giant defying his God, and he rolled up his sleeves and said,  “Let me at ‘em.”  What rose up in him that day - that he would face a giant?  He was a young man.  He was a human like you and me - who loved and valued his life.  He got scared and insecure and frightened and intimidated - just like you and me. David was not capable. He was not a warrior.   What rose up in him??  Was it faith? Hope?  Confidence?  Anger? 

His brothers told him to shut up and go home.   They basically called him a brat.  “You just wanted to see the battle David. That’s the only reason you came - you just wanted to be like a big boy and see what was happening over here.”  


The king told him that it wouldn’t end well for him.  But since he was the only one brave enough to fight the giant,  he let him.  But I know as he walked out of that room,  Saul felt sorry for the poor brave boy who was going to die very soon. He wasn’t even big enough to wear his armor.   And I know that David knew what Saul was thinking but he didn’t care.

When David faced the giant, he ridiculed him. He called him a dog.He made fun of him and humiliated him.  I wonder if at any point,  David wondered what on earth he was doing standing in front of this giant daring him to a fight with his little rocks.  What was going through his mind as he stared up into the face of the giant who was mocking him and mocking the rest of them for sending him someone like David?

I don’t think that he let his mind go there. He didn’t wonder whether he was enough for the job at hand because he knew that God was.  He didn’t wonder if his dream was too big for him because he knew it wasn’t too big for God.   I think that David was absolutely propelled by the knowledge and faith he had in his God to save him because he had seen God save him before.  He had forged that relationship with him and he knew that God was going to rescue him.  Yes,  David was risking it.  He was risking his reputation; his future, his very life - but that didn’t matter.  Because there was a giant standing there and he wasn’t supposed to be there.  He needed to be gone.

My life right now is like looking up into the face of a giant.  It’s way too big for me right now. Its way too complicated and loud and crazy.  But I remember - I choose to remember.  God rescued me from the lion.  He rescued me from the bear.  And he will rescue me from the giant too.

Do you have giants in your life right now?   Does  your life seem upside down in so many ways?   He has given you the tools to deal with that giant.  He has given you the courage.   He has given you the grace.

Don’t get me wrong.  I understand.  Sometimes,  when life hits you hard,  you need to scream until your throat is raw.  Sometimes you need to run until your feet are stinging.  Sometimes you need to cry until your belly aches.  But at the end of the day,  when you stare up at that giant, with your tear streaked face,  you need to slowly roll up your sleeves as you feel that hope rising up within you,   as you feel that faith carrying you,  as you feel that relationship with your God anchoring you, and you need to tell the giant that he doesn’t belong. 

1 comment:

  1. Yes! Amen! I needed to hear this. So good, thanks for writing!

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