It is my husbands 50 birthday today. When he woke up I asked him how it felt to be 50 and he said that it didn't feel much differently than 49. But I am a little bit anxious because I am coming up to my 50th birthday soon. Fifty seem like the age where you should have it all together; where your ducks should be in a row for sure. And I definitely still have quite a few roaming ducks who are not cooperating. I told him how I was feeling and he said, "Well thank you for having a panic attack in my stead; feeling anxious about our age." Because he wasn't feeling it. He isn't anxious. One thing I can say about Jer is that he ages gracefully. I have seen so many things cross his path and so many obstacles come his way and he is as steady as steady can be. He is the epitome of strength. Not because he has felt pressured into it; not because he has felt that he didn't have permission to be weak, because I have seen those moments too. But because he doesn't buy into the drama of life. And what I mean by that is that he doesn't get carried away by the drama because there is always drama and certainly in our lives over the years we have seen our fair share of the difficult, painful, and very hard seasons. But he doesn't get swept away. He often reminds me that there is a bigger picture. He often points me to the One who cares and who carries us. And I can be panicked about something and completely torn apart and as soon as he walks in the room, I feel safe. There is safety in his presence. That's part of his authority - that safety that he will know what to do - he will know how to respond to this situation in a way that reveals grace and the bigger picture of our journey of life.
We have been through the storms of life and I am not sure what I would have done without him; without his steadfast faith in God and his overwhelming faithfulness to me and our marriage.
I always encourage women out there to wait for the man that will fulfill everything that God wants fulfilled in a marriage. I always tell them to wait for Mr. Right, not Mr. Right Now. and it might take a little time and you might be lonely for a season but that's okay. I read today that you can't learn how to rise above loneliness until you have truly learned the true beauty and worth of enjoying the alone times.
This is true and the reward for finding that soul mate, that person who will roll up his sleeves and walk every part of the journey with you is incredible. The reward is so worth it in every important way.
I applaud my husband today for being the man he is; for standing up for the passions in his heart; for being the steadfast strength that he is - not just to me but to so many; for being the example of what a husband, what a father, what a pastor, what a man should be.
I remember when I was pregnant with my first child oh so many years ago. I was in the hospital a month before he was due because I was very ill with toxemia. I had just found out from a nurse that I would probably have to have a c-section. I was terrified. I was alone when she told me and then she left. She was gone and I was shaking and crying; not knowing what the future held or if my baby was truly ok or not. I was beside myself. I felt that I couldn't go through the next phase of life; I couldn't possibly do it and I knew that somehow the baby had to come out. The nurse gave me a phone to locate my husband and I remember within minutes he was running to my room with his guitar in his hands. The minute that he walked through that door, the minute I saw his face and his bright red curly hair, my world was all right. In that very moment, I knew that I could do it. I knew that with him by my side, I could do it because he would be with me and he would make sure everything was just as it should be. He sat by my bed, took out the guitar and sang to me until the nurses kicked him out long after visiting hours were over.
When he left, my roommates had tears in their eyes and they mentioned how lovely, how peaceful his singing was and how fortunate I was to have married such a wonderful man. But I already knew that. I really did and 30 years later, I still do.
Happy Birthday, Jeremy!!