Monday, July 22, 2013


Everywhere I look I see cancer.  I see cancer in the sky, in the air, in the sun.  Every moment fills my mind with all the hurt and pain of what I see my father in law going through right now.  I try to look ahead.  I try to think of something to say other than subjects with death and dying and cancer, and life, and deep subjects and I can’t.  I try to write about peaceful things, ordinary moments and all my words seem hollow. 

I go to Walmart and people are laughing and skipping and talking and loving the life they are in and I wonder how they could.  I wonder how anyone could go on with life in that way.  I wonder why the world hasn’t stopped.  Because mine has.  I wonder why everyone is walking faster than I am.  I wonder why life is going on without me. 

Cancer is vile and ugly and mean.   There is nothing about it that is remotely ok. 

And then I read Ps. 46:

“God is our refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble.
Therefore, we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though it’s waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.

There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells.

God is within, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day.

Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall; he lifts his voice, the earth melts.
The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress...
He says, “Be still and know that I am God...”

  And I realize that Jesus is enough.

  He is enough to get me through my day.

  He is enough to get me through my moment. 


  1. I remember hangin out in the ICU with mom a few months back and posts would go on facebook about horrible things that went on in people's life like the fact all the light bulbs in their house had blown out at the same time or it was raining outside and they couldn't go for a jog. Those posts irritated me so much I stopped checkin in but in reality I would have been the one posting something similar a week before that. Until the days when my mom hung in between life and death and it felt as if my eyes would never be dry again and the world may never turn. All this to say I totally hear ya. I love you faith and I'm praying for you and yours.

  2. Thank you Vanessa. I know you understand because you have been there.